LFM’s Joe Bendel Reviews Snow White and the Huntsman

By Joe Bendel. These dwarves do not whistle while they work. They are not so hot when it comes to comic relief in general, but they are still devoted to a certain princess, as is most of their fairy tale realm. That is why she is such a threat to the despotic Queen Ravenna, her wicked stepmother. Straying from familiar Disney territory, the latest live action adaptation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale takes on overtones of Joan of Arc as the protagonist rallies the troops in Rupert Sanders’ Snow White and the Huntsman, which opened Friday nationwide.

King Magnus, Snow White’s widower father chose the wrong second wife; he doesn’t even make it to the honeymoon. The narcissistic Ravenna’s reign is harsh, even depressing the natural environment around her imposingly cinematic castle. However, she gets a rather unwelcomed surprise from her magic mirror when Snow White comes of age: Ravenna is no longer the fairest of them all, and the prisoner of the North Tower is. Thanks to the help of sundry beasts and birds, Snow White escapes her captivity, only to find herself in the supernaturally ominous Dark Forest.

Wanting Snow White’s purity for uncanny purposes, the Queen sends in Eric, a drunkard huntsman who happens to be one of the few mortals to have ventured through the forest and lived to tell the tale. Fortunately, the Huntsman does not take direction well. As a result, he will have to contend with her loyal, Game of Thrones-ish brother, his armored forces, and a fair number of monsters. A small band of short eccentrics might be able to help them. There is also some business with an apple.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White.

This is Snow White, done kind of-sort of faithfully. However, it spends far too much time aimlessly trudging about the Dark Forest. Frankly, the film really starts to take off when it diverges from Grimm, becoming an old fashioned fight-for-freedom epic. Indeed, it is refreshing to see a less passive Snow White, leading the resistance into battle like it’s St. Crispin’s Day.

In fact, Kristen Stewart rather exceeds expectations, balancing vulnerability and a suitably regal presence as Snow White. Chris “Thor” Hemsworth might not be venturing too far out of his comfort zone here, but he swings the battle axe as well as the war hammer. Though played by great (full sized) actors like Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Bob Hoskins, and Eddie Marsan, the dwarves just look weird. They are not funny, but they are still rather shticky. However, it is Charlize Theron who really puts a stamp on the picture, vamping it up and chewing the scenery with sheer evil delight as Ravenna, while her apparent age yo-yo’s up and down (getting a crucial assist from a crack team of make-up artists).

Graduating from commercials to big special effect-laden features, Sanders creates a richly detailed fantasy world, particularly the striking castle, in both interior and exterior shots. However, one has to wonder just who is the intended audience for a dark brooding version of Snow White, served with a reasonable helping of hack and slash action.  Those looking for happily-ever-after romance might find the film leaves them cold, while the laughably clunky dialogue is not likely to do much for anyone else.

Snow White and the Huntsman is an odd assortment of mismatched parts, but some of those pieces are admittedly entertaining. Ironically, it would not be a good date movie – because guys who are reluctantly dragged into it might find it more enjoyable than expected, whereas their dates will likely be disappointed by it. A mixed bag best saved for post-theatrical viewing options, it is now playing nationwide, including the AMC 34th Street and AMC Kips Bay in New York.

Joe’s LFM GRADE: C+

Posted on June 5th, 2012 at 4:31pm.

Jason Apuzzo’s LFM Summer Micro-Reviews of Snow White and the Huntsman, Piranha 3DD

Charlize Theron as the wicked queen.

By Jason Apuzzo. This week I’m supplementing Joe Bendel’s Snow White review with my own brief dispatches from your local cineplex:

Snow White and the Huntsman

Some movies look better on paper than they do in theaters, but Snow White and the Huntsman is the rare summer blockbuster that lives up to most of its potential – although one senses that an even better film might’ve been possible with a better script. Elevated by Charlize Theron’s juicy performance as the wicked Queen Ravenna, Chris Hemsworth’s rugged charm (he’s more soulful here than in The Avengers), and some fabulous art design, Snow White basically delivers the goods in revising the Grimm Brothers’ dark fairy tale to the more slick sensibilities of today.

And since girls’ stories are now finally getting the summer blockbuster treatment they deserve, it’s also worth noting that Snow White and the Huntsman is a helluva lot better than much of what the boys have been dishing out of late. (The Avengers was fine, but does anybody remember Green Lantern? Or Green Hornet?) If Snow White and the Huntsman is any indication of what it would be like if gals got equal time during summer blockbuster season, I’ll gladly take it.

Chris Hemsworth as the huntsman.

What Snow White and the Huntsman does not do, however, is make sense of Kristen Stewart’s Snow White character as being some sort of Joan of Arc-style warrior or mystic visionary. Stewart simply doesn’t have the depth for it, even if she and Hemsworth do make for a wholesome and handsome on-screen couple. Also: the film feels like it’s trying a little too hard to be ‘literary’ in the vein of Lord of the Rings, when it should’ve been campier and fun like Willow. After all, do we really need to take the Seven Dwarves so seriously? The Christopher Nolan template doesn’t work for everything. Snow White needed much more humor and a lighter touch to balance its otherwise dreary Germanic material.

Still, if lavish, old-fashioned costume spectaculars are to your taste, or if you want a good look at either Charlize Theron or Chris Hemsworth in their prime, this is the film for you. Charlize in particular is in a major career groove; she’s suddenly Angelina Jolie, minus the National Enquirer lifestyle. Like Theron’s recent Young Adult, Snow White fetishizes her blonde good looks, turning her into a colorful, raving, age-obsessed narcissist. It’s great fun to watch her strutting around having jealous fits – like a watered-down version of Bette Davis, only taller.

Russian model Irina Voronina, with fish.

Jason’s LFM GRADE: B+

Piranha 3DD

A travesty! As regular LFM readers know, French director Alexandre Aja’s 2010 horror-comedy Piranha 3D is a favorite of mine – easily one of the best cult/B-movies in recent years. Yet even with cameos from David Hasselhoff and Gary Busey, and with the return of Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames (packing prosthetic shotgun legs) from the original, Piranha 3DD is a total disaster – nothing more than an embarrassing, quickie cash-in on the original film that pleased critics and grossed $83 million worldwide.

The basic rule with Roger Corman-style films of this sort is that they have to at least try to take themselves seriously in order to work. Piranha 3DD doesn’t even make the effort. A lame, slapped-together pastiche of inflated breasts, chewed limbs and only intermittently funny jokes, Piranha 3DD is basically just an extended gag reel about a semi-nude waterpark savaged by the same devious, snapping piranhas from the first film … with the noticeably aging Hasselhoff consigned to playing himself, and otherwise winking at the camera every 2 minutes. It doesn’t work.

Endangered swimmer.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, not only are Piranha 3DD’s breasts fake, but so is its running time: the movie is barely over an hour long, artificially padded-out to 83 minutes with footage from the original film, plus an extra-long credit sequence featuring goofball outtakes. You’d think they’d throw in some extra skin there, but pretty much all we get is Hasselhoff singing a new tune of his called, “The Love Hunter.” And believe me, in this case “Love” hurts.

Recommended only for Hasselhoff obsessives, Piranha completists, or maybe just fans of Russian swimsuit model Irina Voronina. Anybody else is out of luck.

LFM GRADE: DD

Posted on June 5th, 2012 at 4:26pm.

Russia’s Bernie Madoff: LFM Reviews Pyrammmid @ The 2012 Brooklyn Film Festival

By Joe Bendel. Only Russia could celebrate a Ponzi scheme con artist as a national hero. It’s a complicated place. Transparently based on Sergei Mavrodi, the Russian Madoff, a bizarre episode of post-Soviet economic history is only slightly exaggerated in Eldar Salavatov’s Pyrammmid, which screens during the 2012 Brooklyn Film Festival.

Mavrodi’s dodgy financial empire was also known as MMM and its commercials promising forty percent returns on investment were a constant presence on Russian television during its heyday. Many Russians blamed its inevitable collapse on the government thanks to conspiracy theories no doubt nurtured by Mavrodi. However, the fictional Sergey Mamontov’s MMM really is the target of the corrupt national government and their oligarchic allies. Understand: Mamontov is no mere charlatan. He is scamming all that money in order to preserve Russian ownership of the old state-owned enterprises being sold to the well-connected at fire-sale prices, through a dubious privatization process. Well, that’s Pyrammmid’s story and its sticking to it.

It gets quite complicated, though. Raking in cash, Mamontov plans a fatal run on his major banking rival, while getting involved in weird sidelines, like buying the major Russian beauty pageant. Most of those distractions are the brainchild of maverick mathematician Anton who loses sight of the big picture. Frankly, the film is a bit overstuffed with plot, sacrificing the dead weight of transitions to fit it all in. As a result, audiences watching it in subtitles really have to keep on their toes.

Reportedly, Pyrammmid is based on an unpublished manuscript by Mavrodi, which must be considered either a novel or a memoir, depending on whether or not you happen to be Sergei Mavrodi. Ideologically, it is a bit of a head-scratcher, unambiguously lionizing exactly the sort of financial plunderer the current regime made its name inveighing against. Still, the symbolic significance of Mamontov’s choice of car is hard to miss: a vintage Soviet Chaika sedan. In fact, the film has nothing to say regarding the lack of consequences faced by the oppressive former Communist hardliners. Indeed, that refusal to account for the past has led the country precisely where it is now. The presence of Putin favorite Nikita Mikhalkov’s son Artyom and daughter Anna Mikhalkova in the ensemble cast further muddies the waters.

Having played more traditionally action-oriented protagonists in previous films (such as the Da Vinci Code-ish Golden Mean), Alexey Serebryakov is surprisingly convincing as the owlish Mamontov (those specs are another Mavrodi trademark). Unfortunately, he is largely surrounded by stock characters existing simply to serve the plot, like Gutov the shifty lawyer and Vera the ambitious muckraking photojournalist.

Frankly, the fact that this movie exists is downright mind-blowing. Imagine a slick, big budget American film positioning Bernie Madoff as a misunderstood hero, whom we should give good money to, for the sake of the country. That is about how Pyrammmid shakes out. It is a fast-moving big-canvas conspiracy thriller that does not always make a whole lot of sense. Yet, it is more stylistically grounded than the thematically related Generation P. Flawed but fascinating for Russia watchers, it screens again this Wednesday (5/6) at IndieScreen as part of this year’s Brooklyn Film Festival.

Posted on June 4th, 2012 at 9:31pm.

LFM Reviews Rose @ The 2012 Brooklyn Film Festival

By Joe Bendel. The war is over, but for many Polish women it’s hard to call the aftermath “peace.” This is especially true for ethnic German Masurians, formerly of eastern Prussia, like Rose Kwiatkowska. Though Poland has been “liberated,” they are constantly reminded that “their side” lost, and are treated as treasonous pariahs, accordingly. Yet, Kwiatkowska’s situation is especially dire, as a mysterious Polish veteran slowly discovers in Wojtek Smarzowski’s uncompromising Rose, which opened the 2012 Brooklyn Film Festival Friday at the Brooklyn Heights Cinema.

Tadeusz Mazur is a world-weary Home Army veteran, who witnessed things during the Warsaw Uprising no man could forget. He watched as his wife was raped and murdered by the rampaging National Socialists, and was also present during the death of Kwiatkowska’s husband. She is not exactly welcoming when he turns up to deliver some of her husband’s effects, yet a bond slowly forms between them. Kwiatkowska needs protection from the Soviet-aligned bandits, who literally rape and pillage their way through the Masurian countryside. She could also use his help clearing the landmines from her fields, so they can harvest the potatoes. As for Mazur, he has his reasons to lay low, hoping not to attract the attention of the NKVD. However, Masuria is not the best place to be to avoid trouble.

Michał Szczerbic’s screenplay is brutally direct and honest about the treatment of women during wartime by the Germans, the Soviets, and their minions (indeed, they all seem to blend together throughout the film). The sheer volume of sexual assaults in Smarzowski’s historical drama is overwhelming, but they are never treated in a lurid or sensationalized fashion. Rather, it is a harrowing depiction of an ugly period of institutionalized score-settling.

Yet incredibly, Rose is a fundamentally a love story, sensitively bringing to life the brief but intense relationship that develops between Kwiatkowska and Mazur. There are no cute courtship rituals or romantic contrivances. They simply fall in love (or something near enough to it), while banding together to survive. It is definitely not pretty, but in a way, it is kind of beautiful.

Marcin Dorociński is riveting as Mazur, portraying him as both a flinty man of action and a tragic romantic hero. It is a bit surprising how thoroughly he dominates the film (since it is called Rose), but he does. Agata Kulesza is also quite haunting as Kiatkowska, creating a profile of herculean endurance. Their scenes together are quite special.

Despite somewhat rushing the third act (which features a few “wait, he did what?” moments), Smarzowski (previously represented at BFF with the gritty Martial Law-era noir The Dark House) deftly helms Rose, capturing the sweep of terrible historical forces, but maintaining an intimate focus. He forces viewers to confront the nature of the crimes committed against Kiatkowska and other Masurian women, up close and personal. Polish free jazz bass clarinetist Mikołaj Trzaska’s eerie minimalist score also heightens the unsettling mood.

Rose can be tough to watch, but it is an excellent film. Highly recommended, it screens again this coming Thursday (6/7) at IndieScreen, as part of this year’s Brooklyn Film Festival.

LFM GRADE: A

Posted on June 4th, 2012 at 9:30pm.

LFM’s Jason Apuzzo & Govindini Murty in The Atlantic: ‘Black Lagoon’: The First, Great Pretty-Girl-Attacked-By-Aquatic-Beast Film?

[Editor’s Note: the article below appears today on the front page of The Atlantic.]

Chatting with Julie Adams, the star who helped set the formula followed by the new Piranha 3DD.

By Jason Apuzzo & Govindini Murty. From piranhas and sharks to brain-eating crabs and giant leeches, Hollywood has provided some frightening and improbable reasons over the years for why pretty girls in bikinis should stay out of the water. Long before this week’s Piranha 3DD or even classics like Jaws, however, it was the lustful Gill Man from 1954’s Creature From the Black Lagoon who first made young women think twice about going swimming.

A beauty-and-the-beast tale of an aquatic humanoid who falls for a female scientist during a research expedition to the Amazon, Creature helped inspire the 3D science fiction craze of the 1950s. It also made its young star, Julie Adams, sci-fi’s first pin-up girl—and launched her distinguished career in film, TV, and on stage.

Still vibrant and active at age 85, Adams remains a popular draw at sci-fi and classic film conventions, where she’s currently promoting her lively new autobiography, The Lucky Southern Star: Reflections From the Black Lagoon, which she cowrote with her son, Emmy Award winning editor Mitch Danton.

From "Creature" to "Piranha": why pretty women should stay out of the water.

Over her lengthy and colorful career, Ms. Adams has seduced Elvis Presley and Dennis Hopper on screen, played John Wayne’s wife, tussled in a burning basement with Barbara Stanwyck, and played the love interest to James Stewart, Rock Hudson, and Charlton Heston. She’s been directed by Anthony Mann and Raoul Walsh—and more recently has appeared in projects like Oliver Stone’s World Trade Center and TV shows like CSI and Lost.

Yet Adams still remains best known for her role as Kay Lawrence, the sultry brunette in a plunging one-piece pined over by the Gill Man in Creature.

What was your initial reaction upon getting offered Creature?

[Laughs.] Well, I wasn’t thrilled, you know, and I thought I could turn it down, but then I would go on suspension [from Universal Pictures] and wouldn’t get paid … and so I thought, well, the studio wants me to do it, what the hey, it might be fun. And it was!

What was director Jack Arnold like, and how did you two get along?

I got along great with Jack Arnold, and he was a wonderful director. He was very low key, he seemed almost casual—but it was very easy to work with him. Any suggestion he made always made sense.

Did you interact much with William Alland, the producer?

Not that much, because he was not on the set that much—but I liked him. He was always very nice to all of us.

Actress Julie Adams.

Alland played the reporter in Citizen Kane, and he apparently attended a dinner party hosted by Orson Welles while they were shooting Kane. Welles’s lover Dolores Del Rio was also there, and she brought along Mexican cinematographer Gabriel Figueroa. Figueroa had heard a legend as a child about an Amazon water creature, half-man and half-lizard. And the story went that there was an Amazon village that would bring a virgin to the creature once a year in order for the creature not to terrorize the village.

Poor virgin!

Right. So Alland went home later and wrote Figueroa’s story down. And then about 12 years later the whole 3D craze started, and at that point he pulled out the story and started to make a movie of it.

That’s a very interesting story—it fits in, in a wonderful, cuckoo way.

>>>FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS ARTICLE, PLEASE VISIT The Atlantic.

Special Note to LFM Readers:

Julie Adams’ autobiography The Lucky Southern Star: Reflections From the Black Lagoon is available exclusively at her website . Featuring 300 photos of the gorgeous Adams and her famous co-stars, the book provides a charming look at Adams’ experiences working with movie greats like James Stewart, Tyrone Power, Ida Lupino, and many others. While supplies last, the book also comes with a bonus CD of the iconic score for Creature From the Black Lagoon, re-recorded by Monstrous Movie Music and featuring music by Henry Mancini, among others.

Posted on May 29th, 2012 at 10:13am.

When Papa Met His Match: LFM Reviews HBO’s Hemingway & Gellhorn

By Joe Bendel. Ernest Hemingway deliberately cultivated his notoriously macho image – yet he somehow found four women willing to marry him at various points of his life. That was a lot of optimism, on everyone’s part. Though she had the shortest tenure as a “Mrs. Hemingway,” war correspondent Martha Gellhorn was the most notable. Matching and at times surpassing his feats of war zone journalistic daring, Gellhorn fired his passion and inspired his professional respect and jealousy. Their tempestuous relationship is dramatized in Philip Kaufman’s HBO Film Hemingway & Gellhorn now currently airing on the network.

When ambitious young magazine writer Martha Gellhorn first meets the funky, grungy Hemingway in a Key West bar, they can barely resist tearing the clothes off each other. The fact that he is married hardly matters to either of them. However, their animal attraction will have to briefly wait until they reunite covering the Spanish Civil War, at the behest of ardent Spanish Republican supporter John Dos Passos.

Working with Dutch Communist documentarian-propagandist Joris Ivens, Hemingway and Dos Passos film The Spanish Earth (with Gellhorn tagging along), for the purpose of rallying American audiences to the Republican cause. Frankly, it is considerable more compelling to watch their run-and-gun shooting process in H&G than the historical documentary itself. That adrenaline also fuels the war reporters’ torrid affair.

Just like Hemingway and Gellhorn’s relationship, the film really clicks during their time together in Spain. Viewers are served a liberal helping of Nationalist atrocities, but the portrayal of the Soviet forces is also refreshingly unvarnished, particularly with respects to the fatal purging of heroic Loyalist soldier Paco Zarra, a stand-in for Dos Passos’ doomed friend José Robles. While the literary power couple is shown fawning over Chou En-lai and sneering at the gauche Chiangs in China, Gellhorn also reports from Finland, unequivocally siding with the Finns against the Soviet invaders.

Clive Owen and Nicole Kidman in HBO's "Hemingway and Gellhorn."

Unfortunately, the film loses vitality with the aging Hemingway, sliding into the long denouement of his dubious u-boat chasing Cuban years and sad final days in Idaho. By the time America enters WWII, screenwriters Jerry Stahl and Barbara Turner clearly suggest Gellhorn was more of a man than Hemingway. Of course, this is a common problem with bio-pics. To be accurate, they can almost never end with the good stuff.

Regardless of his character arc, Clive Owen totally goes for broke as Hemingway. One of the few actors working today who can come across as both manly and literate, he bellows and carouses with relish. It is a larger than life performance, bordering on camp, yet he is still able to convey Hemingway’s inner demons and nagging self-doubts. He also manages to dial it down periodically for some saucy Tracy-and-Hepburn bantering with Nicole Kidman’s Gellhorn. Likewise, Kidman is on a very short list of actresses who can play smart, sophisticated, and alluring, simultaneously. In fact, she could be channeling Hepburn and the Rosalind Russell of His Girl Friday as the fast-talking, khaki-wearing journalist crusading against injustice, which is frankly pretty cool.

A tempestuous relationship.

In addition to the strong chemistry between the leads, H&G boasts a strong supporting ensemble. David Strathairn is particularly engaging as the disillusioned idealist, Dos Passos, serving as a subtle corrective to Hemingway’s ethical malleability. Metallica’s Lars Ulrich adds notable color as Ivens, while Tony Shaloub conveys a sense of both the menace and tragedy of the Stalinist true believer Mikhal Koltsov, who is considered to be the source for the Karkov character in For Whom the Bell Tolls. Again, the most inspired work comes during or prior to the Spanish Civil War sequences.

Frequently approximating the look of black-and-white news reels and Ivens’ documentary footage, H&G is highly cinematic (getting a vital assist from cinematographer Rogier Stoffers). Kaufman is a big canvas filmmaker, with sufficient artistic stature to merit a recent MoMA film retrospective—a high honor indeed. While steamier and gossipier than The Right Stuff, it is downright staid compared to his Henry & June and The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

An appropriately messy film sprawling all over the place, H&G is rowdily entertaining, capturing a good deal more historical insight than one would expect. Definitely recommended for those who appreciate the Hemingway oeuvre and persona (as well admirers of Gellhorn or Dos Passos), Hemingway & Gellhorn airs again on HBO June 2nd, 7th, 10th, 11th, 15th, and 19th and on HBO2 on June 4th, 6th, 12th, 17th, 21st, 25th, and 30th.

LFM GRADE: B

Posted on May 31st, 2012 at 9:21am.