LFM’s Joe Bendel Reviews Snow White and the Huntsman

By Joe Bendel. These dwarves do not whistle while they work. They are not so hot when it comes to comic relief in general, but they are still devoted to a certain princess, as is most of their fairy tale realm. That is why she is such a threat to the despotic Queen Ravenna, her wicked stepmother. Straying from familiar Disney territory, the latest live action adaptation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale takes on overtones of Joan of Arc as the protagonist rallies the troops in Rupert Sanders’ Snow White and the Huntsman, which opened Friday nationwide.

King Magnus, Snow White’s widower father chose the wrong second wife; he doesn’t even make it to the honeymoon. The narcissistic Ravenna’s reign is harsh, even depressing the natural environment around her imposingly cinematic castle. However, she gets a rather unwelcomed surprise from her magic mirror when Snow White comes of age: Ravenna is no longer the fairest of them all, and the prisoner of the North Tower is. Thanks to the help of sundry beasts and birds, Snow White escapes her captivity, only to find herself in the supernaturally ominous Dark Forest.

Wanting Snow White’s purity for uncanny purposes, the Queen sends in Eric, a drunkard huntsman who happens to be one of the few mortals to have ventured through the forest and lived to tell the tale. Fortunately, the Huntsman does not take direction well. As a result, he will have to contend with her loyal, Game of Thrones-ish brother, his armored forces, and a fair number of monsters. A small band of short eccentrics might be able to help them. There is also some business with an apple.

Kristen Stewart as Snow White.

This is Snow White, done kind of-sort of faithfully. However, it spends far too much time aimlessly trudging about the Dark Forest. Frankly, the film really starts to take off when it diverges from Grimm, becoming an old fashioned fight-for-freedom epic. Indeed, it is refreshing to see a less passive Snow White, leading the resistance into battle like it’s St. Crispin’s Day.

In fact, Kristen Stewart rather exceeds expectations, balancing vulnerability and a suitably regal presence as Snow White. Chris “Thor” Hemsworth might not be venturing too far out of his comfort zone here, but he swings the battle axe as well as the war hammer. Though played by great (full sized) actors like Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Bob Hoskins, and Eddie Marsan, the dwarves just look weird. They are not funny, but they are still rather shticky. However, it is Charlize Theron who really puts a stamp on the picture, vamping it up and chewing the scenery with sheer evil delight as Ravenna, while her apparent age yo-yo’s up and down (getting a crucial assist from a crack team of make-up artists).

Graduating from commercials to big special effect-laden features, Sanders creates a richly detailed fantasy world, particularly the striking castle, in both interior and exterior shots. However, one has to wonder just who is the intended audience for a dark brooding version of Snow White, served with a reasonable helping of hack and slash action.  Those looking for happily-ever-after romance might find the film leaves them cold, while the laughably clunky dialogue is not likely to do much for anyone else.

Snow White and the Huntsman is an odd assortment of mismatched parts, but some of those pieces are admittedly entertaining. Ironically, it would not be a good date movie – because guys who are reluctantly dragged into it might find it more enjoyable than expected, whereas their dates will likely be disappointed by it. A mixed bag best saved for post-theatrical viewing options, it is now playing nationwide, including the AMC 34th Street and AMC Kips Bay in New York.

Joe’s LFM GRADE: C+

Posted on June 5th, 2012 at 4:31pm.

Jason Apuzzo’s LFM Summer Micro-Reviews of Snow White and the Huntsman, Piranha 3DD

Charlize Theron as the wicked queen.

By Jason Apuzzo. This week I’m supplementing Joe Bendel’s Snow White review with my own brief dispatches from your local cineplex:

Snow White and the Huntsman

Some movies look better on paper than they do in theaters, but Snow White and the Huntsman is the rare summer blockbuster that lives up to most of its potential – although one senses that an even better film might’ve been possible with a better script. Elevated by Charlize Theron’s juicy performance as the wicked Queen Ravenna, Chris Hemsworth’s rugged charm (he’s more soulful here than in The Avengers), and some fabulous art design, Snow White basically delivers the goods in revising the Grimm Brothers’ dark fairy tale to the more slick sensibilities of today.

And since girls’ stories are now finally getting the summer blockbuster treatment they deserve, it’s also worth noting that Snow White and the Huntsman is a helluva lot better than much of what the boys have been dishing out of late. (The Avengers was fine, but does anybody remember Green Lantern? Or Green Hornet?) If Snow White and the Huntsman is any indication of what it would be like if gals got equal time during summer blockbuster season, I’ll gladly take it.

Chris Hemsworth as the huntsman.

What Snow White and the Huntsman does not do, however, is make sense of Kristen Stewart’s Snow White character as being some sort of Joan of Arc-style warrior or mystic visionary. Stewart simply doesn’t have the depth for it, even if she and Hemsworth do make for a wholesome and handsome on-screen couple. Also: the film feels like it’s trying a little too hard to be ‘literary’ in the vein of Lord of the Rings, when it should’ve been campier and fun like Willow. After all, do we really need to take the Seven Dwarves so seriously? The Christopher Nolan template doesn’t work for everything. Snow White needed much more humor and a lighter touch to balance its otherwise dreary Germanic material.

Still, if lavish, old-fashioned costume spectaculars are to your taste, or if you want a good look at either Charlize Theron or Chris Hemsworth in their prime, this is the film for you. Charlize in particular is in a major career groove; she’s suddenly Angelina Jolie, minus the National Enquirer lifestyle. Like Theron’s recent Young Adult, Snow White fetishizes her blonde good looks, turning her into a colorful, raving, age-obsessed narcissist. It’s great fun to watch her strutting around having jealous fits – like a watered-down version of Bette Davis, only taller.

Russian model Irina Voronina, with fish.

Jason’s LFM GRADE: B+

Piranha 3DD

A travesty! As regular LFM readers know, French director Alexandre Aja’s 2010 horror-comedy Piranha 3D is a favorite of mine – easily one of the best cult/B-movies in recent years. Yet even with cameos from David Hasselhoff and Gary Busey, and with the return of Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames (packing prosthetic shotgun legs) from the original, Piranha 3DD is a total disaster – nothing more than an embarrassing, quickie cash-in on the original film that pleased critics and grossed $83 million worldwide.

The basic rule with Roger Corman-style films of this sort is that they have to at least try to take themselves seriously in order to work. Piranha 3DD doesn’t even make the effort. A lame, slapped-together pastiche of inflated breasts, chewed limbs and only intermittently funny jokes, Piranha 3DD is basically just an extended gag reel about a semi-nude waterpark savaged by the same devious, snapping piranhas from the first film … with the noticeably aging Hasselhoff consigned to playing himself, and otherwise winking at the camera every 2 minutes. It doesn’t work.

Endangered swimmer.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, not only are Piranha 3DD’s breasts fake, but so is its running time: the movie is barely over an hour long, artificially padded-out to 83 minutes with footage from the original film, plus an extra-long credit sequence featuring goofball outtakes. You’d think they’d throw in some extra skin there, but pretty much all we get is Hasselhoff singing a new tune of his called, “The Love Hunter.” And believe me, in this case “Love” hurts.

Recommended only for Hasselhoff obsessives, Piranha completists, or maybe just fans of Russian swimsuit model Irina Voronina. Anybody else is out of luck.

LFM GRADE: DD

Posted on June 5th, 2012 at 4:26pm.